I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize