lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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