just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
