theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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