Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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