if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
