Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
