The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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