Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm always down for nudity.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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