had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
