Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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