Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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