trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
