Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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