Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
