I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
