yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize