Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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