Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Farmville is her only friend.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
