You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
