i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
