I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
