I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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