i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
