real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
