When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
