so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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