i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
