My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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