When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
too bad you live with your parents still
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
