sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Soap is not a condiment
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
