I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
