he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
