PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
