I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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