id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
