You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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