2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
