Your tits are I can't wait for
I smell stomach acid.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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