I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
