NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
