I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
