You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
