your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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