Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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