everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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