I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
