Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just invented taco cereal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
