Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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