I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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