You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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