my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
