Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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