turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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