I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dear god my vagina.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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