In the future we'll all be gay
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
