dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
