how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
