I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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