Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
