Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
