Someone shit on the floor
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
