i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
