There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
