Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just cropdusted the office
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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