That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
