I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
