she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
