she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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